leave

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The follow up

Published January 3, 2014 by singleandfabulous10

I recently learned that that guy I was dating a little over a year ago has just had a baby with another woman.

First, I breathed a long sigh of relief that it wasn’t me.

And then, I thought, Wow, I guess he quickly got over his fear of knocking some girl up. Frankly, I was shocked to learn he was having a baby with anyone.

I’m going to choose to believe that this decision had very little to do with me, and probably more to do with his own carelessness.

I had no sooner gotten over this bit of news when I ran into someone I dated about five years ago. As it turns out, he also had a child with another woman, and he’s now married to her. He seemed much the same as he had been when I knew him years ago – in other words, not someone well-equipped to be either a husband or a father.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Getting married and having kids is what people do. Most people, anyway. And unfortunately, a lot of people are not as discriminating as they might be about who they choose to do these things with.

Sometimes I have this fear that my ex boyfriends are going to become better people without me.

And then I come to my senses – and laugh and laugh.

The lesson here?

Don’t worry: I promise you, the man who treated you without the love and care you deserved is busy treating some other woman the same way, right now as you’re reading this. It’s just that she’s still putting up with it.

Sometimes you’ve got to be willing to be someone who leaves.

Someone who Leaves

Published September 4, 2013 by singleandfabulous10

I am someone who leaves.

I have left jobs, relationships, and living situations, to name just a few.

Maybe it’s because I have an appreciation for the unknown, or because I have a strong belief in my own creative abilities.

Maybe it’s because I have a hard time watching people I care about commit themselves to people and situations that cause them endless pain and unhappiness.

Some would say that I have a fear of commitment, but I disagree. I’ve noticed that commitment-phobes tend to be always on the lookout for the next best thing. It’s hard to commit to one thing because it may mean missing out on something better. In other words, the grass is always greener somewhere else.

It’s not the leaving that makes one a commitment-phobe. It’s the motivation behind it.

I have long maintained that there are some things (and people) worth committing to, and some not.

Discernment means knowing the difference between the two.

True commitment means exercising discernment.

The single most important commitment you can make is being true to you. Knowing what you want and need, and making sure that you get it. And when you’re not getting it, well, that means you have to be willing to be someone who leaves.

Here’s to taking care of you.